Saturday, November 24, 2018

[Communication] - A holiday survival guide.

Figured I would write about this since it is a fresh subject and has a profoundly noticeable effect on me.

Also by sharing my perspective on this I believe it can benefit both parties vis-รก-vis the antagonist.

In this I outline how I was able to assimilate and empathize with a family member so that I could approach a issue from a position of love and understanding rather than annoyed intolerance which was my standard modus operandi before I started working on eliminating my negative thought patterns.

Being an intuitive empath can be exhausting, stressful and make you prone to erratic episodes of anxiety.
Learning tricks to stem the flow and how you respond to others energy is of special interest to me.
Whenever I learn effective methods to do this I believe them worth sharing.
After all like I've stated before the point of me sharing these more personal ramblings is to provide possible helpful insight to others whom it might have pertinent relevance to.
If by sharing my own experiences and my solutions to the various problematic points of contention in my life, if it helps just one person. Purpose accomplished.
Also since this deconstructs common encumbering behaviors that plague relationships among family members I think it is a beneficial waste of my time as it can help provide a framework to eliminate them from both ends of the spectrum just as long as you approach the other from a place of love and understanding, free from blame.

Anywho..
To my fellow ADHD patients, I try to throw in some humor to break up the mind numbing drab of reading, especially since my literary drawl is worse than reading the entirety of War and Peace.. So to get on with the point of this:
Rewind to last week.
I'm in a ecstatic mood coming into the weekend.
Excited to be getting back to Chicago and anxious to reunite with my wonderful friends there.
Overall positive vibes.

Then a nondescript comment is made on a Facebook status I had posted concerning my excitement for the weekend and the festivities in store for us:

"Be careful".

Innocent enough.

And it would have been taken according to it's prudent intent and soon forgotten with all other inconsequential well-intented commentary.

BUT.. since it had come from this particular loved one, it would NOT have such simple affect.

And since we are talking about me here, my brain is much like that of an amenable child on one hand,
and a superstitious harlot of sorts on the other.
It most likely derives sadistic amusement from this on some level.
It cannot allow such things to be that easy-peasy, cut n dry, black & white, non paranoidal-anxiety-laced-type statement.

It doesn't help that this person sometimes has a habit of forgetting this.
..or maybe they just enjoy watching me tweak out like one of El Macho's evil minions over nothing..

Either way, I love them nonetheless.

So anyway, it's received in an ominous context naturally and obviously.
Instead of carrying with it the well-wishing intent, it had instantly disrupted my energy pattern.
Leaving me perturbed.
The remarkable impact it had on my mental state, and also my overall energetic disposition, left me completely astounded.

How can two words uttered with good intent from a particular individual have such an inverse response?

How can I allow a couple of words to have that type of power over me?

Something to note and keep in mind here though too, is that it is not technically just the words themselves.

Yes words by themselves are very powerful.
Tremendously powerful.
They are able to bring energy from the immaterial realm into the material.
They can leave wounds and scars so damaging they never heal.
Even when you don't mean them.
Hence my status a few days ago about scrutinizing the things you say, as you can never take back or undo what has been done by words.
Even though someone may forgive you, they will never truly forget.

Anyway..
Getting carried away as I digress..
I can make a whole other post solely on my fascination with the emergence of the spoken word, the observable and tangible power it is able to hold within it, as well as the origin of human language and writing but let's keep aliens out of this.

So there are two other main factors at play here:

1) The person emanating them.

Thus their own energy and intent being imprinted upon them since they are manifested by their mind, much like a finger print.

To demonstrate, I'm going to just ask you to truthfully answer me this question:

When was the last time a used underwear salesman told you that they had your best interest at heart..

..and you believed them?

Case and point, thank you.

And by way of thing 1, it also brings us inherently to thing 2, so without further ado I bring to you....

2) Your interpretation of the words as delivered to you by said individual.

Here your interpretation of the words is intrinsic to the nature of your relationship with that person.

Non-long-winded, spiritual, science-y, hubbub bullshit explanation aside:

Boyfriend/girlfriend tells you you're beautiful:
Daww, da feelz ๐Ÿ’—

Random creeper tells you you're beautiful:
Dafuq you want?๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ฉ

Use brain.
Mix together.
Shake, shake, shake....
Decipher.
Ding!
And in my instance #2 is the source of my dysfunctional neuro-coded response that is the subject matter here.
While diligently practicing being more present and conscious I'm becoming much more adroit in identifying and manipulating old habitual thought patterns that no longer serve me, or are just blatantly negative, as they present themselves.

And this was definitely one that I've been wanting to address.

Not only has it contributed to consistently damaging my relationship with this loved one, it has also been a major inhibitor of cultivating a deeper relationship with them.
Being that it had become a conditioned response, it prevented me from moving on past points of previous contention with them, and letting go.
So after acknowledging the initial feelings and emotions elicited, I immediately posed the question to my cognizant self:

"What about this makes me respond like this and how can I change this neuro-chemical thought process that manifest this response so that I can make it a positive one?"

Should you be a victim to reading my numerous other ramblings, in my emotions ≠ weaknesses post from the not so distant past I delved into my perspective on how we create energy with our emotions, feelings and thoughts.
Part of that touched on the fact energy cannot be destroyed, we can only change it's form.

Well changing energy from negative to positive AT WILL is one of the wondrously miraculous and beautiful powers of the human brain. More on that here.

And no I'm not screaming those words, I simply want to emphasize them so that there is no misconception to the fact that we CHOOSE our energetic state at any given time no matter the outside circumstances.

If you don't believe me, come talk to me the next time you're all pissed off 'I want to go kick a puppy' angry.
There is a simple trick I can teach you, and you won't even know I'm doing it until it's over!
And you wont even remember why you would be such a bastard asshole to want to kick a puppy in the first place.
This voodoo works.
Test me.
So anyway back to toxic self-contaminating idiosyncrasies, and how to fix them.

First things first here.

You have to consciously decide and say to yourself, out loud preferably:

"I don't want to feel this way!"

Easy enough.
Albeit odd to those around you, especially if surrounded by strangers.
But would you rather seem a little crazy-odd, or angry-elf-odd?
No one likes an angry elf, and as I like to say:
There is a certain mystique to being crazy.
in that, the sane are intrigued and the insane are jealous.
But then I probably am crazy since normalcy is odd to me sooo...
Gah, brain squirrels.
I DONT HAVE ANY NUTS GO AWAY!!
Ahem, moving on...
Next is to identify the faulty thought patterns that lead to the inappropriate response.

In this case it is evident that it has to do with my relationship with the person precipitating the response.

My immediate adverse reaction is a subconscious programmed response based off contextual history with that person.

Often times the idiosyncrasies of those we spend a considerable amount of time with, like coworkers and family, can find us taking umbrage toward them due to our constant proximity and exposure to them.
With prolonged exposure, common rationale is that patience drops exponentially.
This can cause us to denigrate them.
Leading us to act inconsiderate toward and insensitive to the person, instead of looking at their idiosyncrasies as part of the person's over-all beauty.
In regards to loved ones and/or the person we love, love should be unconditional. RIGHT?

In order for that to be true we must accept all aspects of their person, including personality, with all their flaws and short comings.
If it wasn't for the flaws, the scars, the faults, every little idiosyncrasy, you wouldn't have the whole and you have to love the whole in order to ever truly love them.

This also applies to oneself just in case you didn't pick that up.

And I'm going to mention here that trying to chop off and/or carve out only the parts you love from an individual is highly discouraged by the author as the resulting mess created can take days to fully expunge.
Requires considerable attention.
A large portion of your personal time.
Extensive pre-planning.
A bullet proof alibi.
AND, a solid story memorized to the point that you convince even yourself it's the truth.

Even then the continual harassment by investigators....

Just take my word.
It's not worth it.

Anyway, not to digress again..

This is not to be used as, nor am I implying it is an excuse for, dismissal of faults or shortcomings.
We should always be looking to identify and improve those areas of ourselves.
In relation to others, if someone is an inconsiderate asshole then they are an inconsiderate asshole and you probably just shouldn't associate with them.

But if it is simply an unfavorable personality traits then try this:
Just think of the fire that forged that person and what they must have gone through.
Or still are.
The hardships, pains, failures, betrayals, transgressions that cultivated them.
Appreciate the persons resilience and fortitude.
Find the beauty.
And never let that beauty go.
The unfavorable aspects of their personality that may nettle you might not serve them or be efficient (nor effective) but it is what they developed in order to protect themselves and/or cope with a situation or scenario that they did not understand, know how to deal with or know how to respond to.
Love them for that unique beauty.

Also know that most aggression is simply an ingrained exponential part of any defense mechanism.
Try to be understanding of this as well if they lash out.
Be conscious of the fact that they are just trying to protect themselves from a perceived threat, real or imagined.
It will allow you to better parry their lashing out so that you may respond in a more tactful manner.

Understanding all of this and approaching it from this angle will allow you to respond to them in a more empathetic way, allowing you to mitigate any conflict or disharmony with compassion.

Which brings me to the last step!

Changing the response to a positive one.

This is done by using NLP to help 'map in' this approach, and can be done so that it is specific to an individual.
This would be done so that it is the new instantaneous response from the subconscious.
Eliminating the old thought pattern and habitual thinking that led to establishing an inveterate disposition toward the individual influenced by a perceived notion of constant negativity or any other unfavorable characteristic.

When I come at it in a more neutral de-escalated state of mind such as this and using the empathetic approach from unconditional love I can stay focused on the persons implied meaning and intent.
Rather than the energy associated with and imbued into the words and their delivery.

I can appreciate their concern for me and show gratitude for their love.

I'm not going to be delving into the NLP process or explanation for those unfamiliar with it as that would require this post to go from its already 'War & Peace' length to 'The Story of the Stone' length and I'm honestly surprised if anyone is still reading this...
Or even alive for that matter.
If you're curious, look it up.
And if you have further questions I'll be happy to offer any insight I may have, different than your own.

And I want to bring up one last point in this post:

The imperative necessity of not only scrutinizing the things we say to our loved ones and others, but also to ourselves even if it is just your thoughts.

A thought is attention and where attention goes energy flows, whether good or bad.

Your subconscious does not differentiate between the two, nor does it differentiate between imaginary thought and physical reality.
Your subconscious is the portal through which the energy from the immaterial flows manifesting your material reality.
If we want to better our state of reality, our lives, we need to take heed and pay close attention to this.
The implications when you fully grasp this, coupled with a deeper understanding of what we as humans are truly capable of..
..is just astonishing.
Truly awe-inspiring.

And lastly, the other part to this is conveying yourself thru talk, text or self in a fluent manner.
This should be a vital area worthy of attention, especially for those that feel misunderstood or feel a disconnect from their peers.
With the example given of my experience, a more appropriate comment would have been:

"Have a great weekend and be safe!"

You're not attaching ominous undertones and it conveys exactly what the desired intent was from the standpoint of the individual making the comment.

Most people don't realize how they come off constantly or consistently to others, so recognizing the patterns yourself takes diligence and an extremely astute level of self cognizance that is rare but not impossible to have.

One way we can effectively insure that our overall intent is clear is by being mindful of the words we use and how we deliver them.

Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.
Know how you say it.

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